These Phrases given by My Father Which Helped Me when I became a New Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. It was a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good place. You need assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader failure to communicate amongst men, who continue to absorb harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a short trip away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, confide in a family member, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, changed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."